In the ‘before time’ I used to be an international level track and field sprinter for Canada. For ten years of competition I found these same negative thoughts creeping in as I warmed up before races. And over time, and with, of course, experience I discovered it was a conversation between the ‘rational self’ on one shoulder and the ‘emotional self’ on the other. The rational mind was loudest during the warmup, but when it was time to line up and take sweats off it would suddenly fall silent as the emotional mind darkly took over. My competitors, some dear friends to this day, became my worst enemies. I would nearly growl, grit my teeth, eyes would get focused, mind on the task at hand. When the gun would go off I’d do my thing. There were days I said things to people beside me as we loaded ourselves into the blocks, mind games, that I have since regretted. I’ve been told long after I retired from sprinting that I was frightening, that they were afraid of me. I know that part of me exists, it in fact frightens me, too. I took up cycling some 30 years later and I find I’m still the same, full of doubt at the start. I avoid the monster as much as possible, I’m not as powerful as I once was certainly not in cycling. I now ride and race against myself, the two sides, the brain and the heart, warring with each other. It may sound counter intuitive, but each year my speed, climbing and power has increased. I’m not first anymore, but so far I’m happy with the results and I have more friends in cycling today than I ever did in the ‘before time’. I don’t know why I have fessed up like this … must be time.